What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 02:40
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Ive learnt so much.
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His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
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Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I said to her
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Can anyone show a photo with a penis in their anus?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
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I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And i lived it daily.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I will be 64.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He knew the spot.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
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Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
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Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
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But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Do flat Earthers really exist? Why do they believe the Earth is flat?
What did i know ?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
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And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
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I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Would this be the day?
This is soul school!.
I have no regrets .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I never cut or harmed myself..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She loved him until the end.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My life is so biszare .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She was in good health!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Im still living with it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Especially a lifetime of it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But it wasn’t much.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Comes on , in middle age.
I was seconnd youngest,
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She married twice! .
We were not on the streets..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was very sick at this time too.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I write beautiful poetry .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She found it foreign!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But ive been too sick for many years..
When she asked me how she looked .
So whats the point in blame.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We all went to grammer schools
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
All the time i was locked up.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was scared of men, in general
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was 9 years of age.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One cannot live in the past .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I don,t even have a pension.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But, we were locked up after school.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I waited trembling.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
So, i spoilt her more .
My family never makes their pension either.
I think the readers, may guess!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She wouldn,t have been !
Who then, do I blame.?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
It was going to be , some day.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Put me off passion for life!!